What does it take to stop using pornography?

This will vary from person to person - depending how deeply it has it’s hooks in you (hence the name of this website). Some people can read one article extolling the downsides of porn use and stop, whereas others may need deep intense self-exploration and support. Most of us will fall somewhere in the middle.

The things that contribute to stopping:

Internal drives and motivation ie wanting to stop. 

This is the toughest to achieve, because porn is very pleasurable. If part of you wants to keep using porn, or feels you should be able to, or that you have a right to (or whatever), then you will always find a way to keep doing it. (see upcoming article listing some of the ‘shitty justifications’ people use). A great litmus test for if someone is actually going to be able to stop is: are they willing to not use porn again for the rest of their lives? If this isn’t met with a clear and emphatic ‘yes’, then they aren’t ready - yet. 

External factors making it more difficult to access pornography. 

These will always be overcome if an internal want to do porn still exists, but can be incredibly helpful in creating distance between wanting and using. These range from app blockers to or habit-switching tactics (ie making good habits XYZ and making bad habits ABC)

Different Types of Support including:

Self-support: becoming conscious of our own individual tendencies / habits, so that compulsive behaviours can be made deliberate (or stopped). This might also include journaling about the reasons we don’t want to do porn, or the ways it has harmed us etc

Education RE how porn use works, how it affects us, how we might benefit from stopping using (like the articles here).

Other people, be they:

• Friends, partners, family members who can hold and support you with compassion (as opposed to demonising you for being imperfect)

• Professionals (coaches / therapists etc) who have objectivity / distance, and usually have compassion for you as well as a desire encourage and challenge.

• People who are in a similar situation: either because they themselves are kicking the habit, or people who’ve done so previously so understand what you are going through. (The latter can be hard to find, and the former can be a bit like the blind leading the blind.)

***Shame dies in connection. Appreciating that we are not alone in our struggle reduces internal self-criticism and increases our ability for self-compassion. Shame weighs us down, and when we remove it we can more easily access new perspectives and new possibilities of how to be.